Clare and Jem's Excellent Adventures

Activities since the return...

2008-12-23T00:39:00.001-08:00

Not sure if anyone's reading this blog anymore, but since I've been back I've been....

Playing with my pony (hey, I'm unemployed with loads of time and a way too cute pony to play with, what else am I supposed to do? Plus I can actaully ride properly now!)

Photographing Chippy making silly faces...

Finding out that Laurie has turned into a crazy unicorn who likes to drink blood...

Taking my brother's girlfriend for rides and offering to teach her how to...

Bathing Lily (although she tends to just do it herself...)

Watching my mother convert to beastiality (I don't condone it but she can snog who she wants to...)

Making Adam build me an arena so I can make Chippy ridable again...

So basically, a whole lot of horsey stuff! But I can add to that list:

Applying for jobs

Being rejected for jobs

Making Chrissy presents

Looking at Chrissy lights

Catching up with friends

Spending lots of time with my family

Generally being an unemployed slob while I can

On that note, I'm about to go and eat some cheese and bikkies with my mum so adios!

The last week

2008-11-25T04:21:00.000-08:00

I'm in Santiago de Compostela and its a sunny but very cold day outside and I've basically 'done' the city in 2 hours so thought I'd keep you updated on my lonesome travels. I was a bit worried I would be lonely in the 5 days that I'm traveling by myself but I've managed to meet some pretty cool people and do some pretty cool things. I woke up the first night here and was about to set out on a day of exploring Santiago on my own when I met an American girl and an Austrian girl who are both here studying Spanish. They said they'd convinced a guy that works at the hostel to drive them to the beach and invited me along. It was beautiful, the beaches very Australian-looking, but with stone ruins and cute little houses. He took us to his house and showed us his beach and then took us out for lunch. He ordered for us, wine, seafood latters, expensive fish and I could see the bill going up before my eyes, but he wouldn't let us pay for it in the end! It must have been 50 euro a head and he payed for all three of us!! He drove us home and we all sat in the hostel drinking and watching movies! Not bad for a first day!!

Then I met two Brasilian girls who asked me to come to A Coruna with them. Naturally I accepted. It was good to see the touristy side of the city because every time I've been there its not for sightseeing, but bloody hell it was cold! We were caught in a huge gust of wind, hail, rain, and general coldness on more than one occasion, my jeans were soaked, I was cranky and just in that "I hate the cold, I want to go home and have a hot shower and curl up in bed with a movie!" mood! When Carolina's umbrella broke, we decided it just wasn't our day and so returned to Santiago where they took me to a Brasilian retaurant (it always bemuses me when people go overseas and spend the whole time in the community of their own people (Australians in London, Chinese in Sydney and Brasilians in Santiago apparently!). It was actually really traditional Brasilian cooking, which I quite like even though its full of meat and beans! So feeling fat and bloated, we went to the famous Cathedral to watch a free presentation on Santiago (which I struggled with because it was all in Spanish!) and then bid our goodbyes!

I came back to my room to a Canadian girl who had just moved in and wanted to go have a drink. I really just wanted to sleep but there's no point in being anti-social in situations like this so we went and bought salad and pizza materials and a bottle of wine and had a home-made, semi-healthy dinner, then went to a tapas bar for a drink. Deciding that it was just a horrible night to go out on, we went home and have agreed to go out tonight and sample the tapas of Santiago and find a bar to get sloshed in and drink the cold away!

Its amazing how friendly people can be when they're traveling. There's no way i would meet people so quickly at home and it helps this last week go by quickly as I wait to fly home.

La Ruta de Ortigueira

2008-11-18T02:36:00.000-08:00

Sunday was the day of the St Martin's ruta, a trail ride consisting of more than 200 horses through the town centre to the beach and back. It was basically a parade through the town, consisting mostly of men on stallions with harsh bits, riding in a traditional, but most ridiculous style. You could smell the testosterone in the air. It was like we were about to go to war and the person with the biggest, sweatiest stallion was the most masculine! No one had any control over their horses, mine managed to take off with me on the beach as I was trying to take a photo and it was just a general shambles of a ride. It was fun but I'm glad I wasn't on Chippy because he probably would have had a heart attack over the excitement of it all!

Kenya and I after her bolting on me on the beach

Splashing around

Bootiful boy (the horse, not the man)

Galateya having a stretch

Trotting races, on hard ground, not the best but they've been doing it for years

Chunky boy

The gathering beforehand

The stupid way they ride their horses

Look at the bits - crazy!

Kenya and I. Gumleaves in Spain - hmmm

This is one for Babelfish

2008-11-12T09:30:00.000-08:00

Hey 'yall. Here's my effort in Spanish, I wrote it then translated it in Babelfish and couldn't stop laughing for at least 15 minutes. Just goes to show what I've been saying to the locals....

Hola chicas y chicos. Esta noche escribo el blog en Espanol, porque necesito aprender mas Espanol. Ahora estoy en Galicia, Espana. Estoy trabajo con cuarenta caballos. Trabajo seis dias por semana, y un dia tengo una fiesta. En la manana, limpio cuatro o cinco estables, y en la tarde monto dos o tres caballos, dependencia en el tiempo. En Galacia, hay mucha lluvia, yo no gusta. Pero yo gusta de montar todo dia. Este ano, yo viajo por diez meses, pero ahora quiero regresar a la Australia porque quiero mira mi madre y hermano y amigos. Lo siento por error en esta blog. Hasta luego amigos.

In English (according to the ether):

"Hello small and small. Tonight I write blog in Spanish, because I need to learn but Spanish. Now I am in Galicia, Spain. I am work with forty horses. Work six days per week, and a day I have a celebration. In the morning, clean four or five stable ones, and in afternoon amount two or three horses, dependency in the time. In Galacia, there is much rain, I does not like. But I like to mount all day. This anus, I travel by ten months, but now I want to return to Australia because I want sight my mother and brother and friendly. I feel by error in this blog. So long friendly."

Some observations on dancing

2008-11-10T02:00:00.001-08:00

I love a good dance. It doesn’t take much to get me on the dancefloor but I do require a few pre-requisites. Good tunes need to be blaring at a reasonable decibel level. There’s nothing worse than dancing to music that isn’t positively blowing your ears off. And the mood needs to be right. I’m all for dancing by myself but there needs to be at least one other person dancing so I don’t feel like such a dork. Often is the case that its just Jem and I and the dance floor and I’m quite happy with that, as long as she doesn’t go wondering off leaving me to dance with my imaginary friends, which has also happened.

The Spanish consider themselves wonderful dancers. And they are. They can swing their hips and salsa like no-one else (only usurped by the Brasilians, whom I’m afraid, shit all over the Spanish in the dance-like-a-sexy-beast stakes). I’m often set into a trance watching the girls here move their hips and I try I hard as I can to copy them but I always somehow manage to revert to running man or Bec and I’s “Pendulum dance” which really just consists of a lot of jumping around madly.

BUT, one thing I will say about the Spanish is that they have no versatility. Sure, they look great when dancing to Samba or Salsa or Flamenco, but put them at a Pendulum concert, or in the mosh of Karnivool and they would have absolutely no idea what to do. That is where I come in. I don’t believe I’m a great dancer, and have disappointed many Mexicans/Spanish with my ability to tread all over their shoes when they try to dance with me, but you should see me go at a Chemical Brothers concert! I can switch my dancing style with the change of a tune. I can flick my hair about in a girly fashion to 80’s tunes, I can trance around in my trainers to hardcore techno music, complete with glow-stick arms, I can bang my head with the best of them to Mudvayne and I can roll my body to R’n’B (although I prefer to in jest as I think R’n’B dancing is hilarious and I have learnt most of my moves from Bec’s Eminem-loving-boyfriend, Mitch.) Hell, I can even successfully complete some very tricky boyband moves, I have photo evidence of that below!

Friday night I went to a fiesta that wasn’t particularly pumping, but people were dancing all in a circle, there was about 15 of us and they were all doing the side-step, hip-swinging dance that they all do here, and I was dancing like the band was playing Prodigy. It must have been somewhat of a hit with the local boys because one guy asked me to dance and I downright refused because I know exactly what they do when they dance with you. They take you in a ballroom-like pose and swing you around in a series of twirls and dips and the last time I did that was with my friend Paco in Mexico and it ended with a few feet injuries and us fighting because I wasn’t trying to “embrace the culture” because I refused to dance with him again!!!

So, I may not be able to twirl gracefully in high-heels with a Mexican man, I may not be able to salsa with the Spanish girls, but I think I’ve been able to hold my own in the clubs/concerts/fiestas of more than 16 countries this year, chopping and changing my style man! I’d like to see you do THAT Latin mofos!!!!

Was that a dream?

2008-11-04T04:30:00.000-08:00

I began work this morning with one question on my mind….was I dreaming last night or did that actually happen??? (Before you ask mother, my nymphomaniac of a boss isn’t rubbing off on me!!!)

I was on my couch trying to recover from some weird strain of European flu when Michelle (boss) comes in saying “Right, get dressed, we’re going to a Halloween party tonight with a bonfire and they’re all English so you don’t have an excuse.” And she was right. I didn’t.

So I have this vision of a huge bonfire in the middle of provincial Galacia filled with hot English guys and marshmallows and good tunes.

We arrive to be greeted by a couple of about 55 (now don’t get me wrong, I know a fair few fun 50ish year olds and age is no excuse for being truly fucked up), their daughter of 14 years, a German girl who’s married to an English guy with a toddler and English mum and her daughter (28) who are keeping their horse at the yard. So no hot guys. That’s cool, it’ll still be fun.

So we all sit round the table and everyone seems lovely at first. Until I learn that the English couple are full on vegans who don’t let their daughter watch any form of television, believe in alternative horse care (which involves standing in the rain with your ponies in the middle of the night to make them feel better about themselves) and proceed to tell us how they’re going to save the world through happiness and spirituality. A few conversations with the daughter and I realize she’s a nutcase too. She gives us all pieces of paper with which to make Halloween masks (keep in mind everyone at the table but her is over 20) and we’re invited to make them as funny as possible. I proceed to colour in a transvestite dracula, probably not the best thing in retrospect, but she and her mum thought it was “dreadfully naughty har har har!”.

The little girl brings out a platter. “I’ve been waiting all day to bring these out, you’ll positively adore them! Har har!”. On the platter are eyeballs, mice and fingers made out of condensed milk and coconut which is quite cute and clever, I think, until I see the likeness of the mice to tampons! They’re little white finger things with a piece of string coming out of them and Michelle, failing to recognize the resemblance, picks one up and starts sucking and chewing on it “Mmmm, these are lovely!” Hahaha! Laura (28 year old English girl we’ve been hanging out with) looks over at me and we can’t contain our laughter as we’ve both obviously had the same thought! No one else has any idea how hard it is for us not to laugh, because they’re not the type of people to share our humour.

The night hasn’t gotten completely hilarious yet but is doing very badly at keeping her giggles at the ridiculousness of the situation under wraps! I am in somewhat the same situation.

We go outside for a bonfire (actually it was more of a collection of planks slightly burning) and have sparklers lit for us and handed out to us. We all have to write a wish in the sky with them. How lovely. So I ask where the marshmallows are. “Well, marshmallows have gelatin in them so we don’t have any.” Gay!!! If there’s nothing to perve on at least give me marshmallows, Laura and I comment. Meanwhile, we’re trying to find any beer, win, spirits in the vicinity that may be consumed. Nothing.

Next we all go into the barn for a ‘performance’. This sounds interesting! We’re treated to a concert by Dad and child. “This one is one I wrote when I was 7, its about how I’m supposed to grow up straight according to society.” Says the 14 year old, “This one I wrote last year in Spanish, the words are a work in progress so please be patient”. Oh my god! This is bloody hilarious!!! There are cries from the Mum “Oh oh! Sing ‘Life’s a Bitch’, that’s a good one!” I’m looking at Laura and laughing behind my ghost pie! Then, in the middle of the second song, my ears hurting from over-pretentious 14 year old screeching in my ears, I suddenly fall right through my chair!!! Of course, nothing funnier could have happened at this point in time and everyone bursts out laughing and complimenting on my ability to not drop a crumb of apple pie whilst falling through my chair!!! At least the ‘performance’ stopped!!!

One of the funniest nights I’ve had since I’ve been here! Even though all the laughing was at others’ (and my) expenses! Laura and I had a good laugh the next morning and tried to figure out if it in fact was a dream or if it did happen. Too good!

I miss...

2008-10-27T07:20:00.000-07:00

Triple J - no other radio station satisfies me on a 24hr scale.

The smell of grass just before a big thunderstorm, its 30 degrees and I'm sitting on the varandah with Mum, Adam and a collection of Dunns

My doggie. I think I started missing her before anything else! Pathetic really!

The ability to make a cup of tea whenever I want

My own bedroom. My own space to chill and where everything is MINE, not shared or open to others....MINE!

A decent hot shower (although ours is not exactly strong, its hot!)

An icy cold Carlton Draught - nowhere but Australia has beer so cold its almost frozen

Champagne - its impossible to get sparkling wine for under $10 anywhere else in the world!

The ability to run when I want and feel safe.

My Mum. I miss her like a limb and I can't wait to give her a massive hug at the airport!

My bro. I miss his silly noises and ability to make me laugh with the most obscure jokes that only a few people seem to get.

People who know me. I'm sick of pretending to like people in order to socialise, I want my own peeps, the friends I've been with for years who I don't have to small talk with, can swear, belch and get ridiculously pissed in front of without them caring.

Family dinners. I miss getting sloshed with the family and eating as much as I possibly can in one sitting. Oz Shnozz - best game in the world!

Soccer. I miss training on Wednesday nights, miss having a kick with my mates down at Roxbourough Park, miss putting on my shin pads for a game.

The RSL - the social meeting place where you're guarenteed to run into people you know.

My clothes. They'll all feel new again by the time I get home.

Heat. I've been to some hot places but none with that excellent close humidity and 35 degrees. I miss going to bed in a wet sarong because its so stinking hot!

My car. I haven't driven in 10 months. I hope I can still drive!!!

Movie nights with Jem. We have an ability to get wasted whilst watching copious amounts of Will Ferrel movies and turning up very hungover to work the next day!

Girly nights (Em would kill me for calling it that!) with my girlz (hehe) eating many a snack

Chocolate Lave Pudding. Oh yeah!

The Fiddler. My local. Coolest place ever - always a good night!

Friday arvo drinkies (does this list involve a lot of alcohol?) when Alicia or Jem or just me and Mum will have champagne and nibbly bits watching the sun go down.

The ranch. I miss my house, the space, the garden, the people, the animals.

Mum's cooking - cheesy veggie bake, beef carpaccio, the awesome salads, tuna mornay, leek and potato soup and the large array of sauces that are presented beautifully for us each night!!!

I can't wait!!! 5 weeks baby!!!

A few pic from the yard

2008-10-22T05:56:00.000-07:00

The stables

Riding in the bush, looks like Australia - good for the homesickness

One of the youngen's, likes to bite a lot

A view of the yard on my way to work

I got headbutted by a 12hh pony - it really hurt!!!

The piste or arena

Me at the yard

The little fuckers who bit me and kicked Michelle

Vida en la hipico

2008-10-20T05:14:00.000-07:00

This is an update on my new life as a professional groom and riding student… (sounds impressive huh?) So I live in a 3 bedroom flat about 200m from the yard by myself. It’s quite an impressive place, view of the mountains, fully equipped (with everything except a kettle…grr) but its quite lonely. I keep the TV on to keep me company (all 4 channels in Spanish). Luckily I’m so busy I never really spend much time here. I spend 8am until 8 – 10pm at the yard. My day consists of (you guessed it) a lot of moving large quantities of poo around, riding, drinking coffee, siesta-ing, eating and playing with a gremlin-esque dog called Winnie the Pooh. I’m still getting to know all the horses, I’ve only been here for 4 days, but there’s a great variety of personalities in the yard. Don’t ask me to use all their names cos they’re all in Galego and no native English speaker can pronounce their names without their tongue falling out.

There are a number of young horses (most of which are friggin huge!) who like to bite things (fingers and lead ropes) and are very frolicky and fun. I love young horses because, compared to our two gerries, they are always so excited to see you, greeting you with delighted whinnies and nodding up and down. They a handful when they’re tied up but they always look so beautiful, rearing and pawing the ground, despite the fact that they’re being very naughty. There are 3 foals and a couple of preggaz brood mares, foals are lovely to play with and you have to watch your hair but they’re always up for a playful fight. There’s Ben, the English thoroughbred who’s just been trucked in (looks like Black Beauty, absolutamente bonito!) but has breathing problems and needs to be fed, bathed and cleaned like a newborn.

So after I finish mucking out and putting out and bringing in and checking the fences and sweeping the yard, I get to ride. Today we went on the most beautiful trail ride I’ve ever been on, through little villages in the mountains and with views over the whole valley (I’ll try and get some photos next time). They call a trail ride a ‘ruta’ hehe! Then after that I got on a gun of a horse called Tecal (a steel grey arab/Spanish cross) and had an hour’s jumping lesson. Now there’s something you should now about riding – its not just sitting on a horse. Apparently that’s what I’ve been doing for the last 10 years! No no, riding PROPERLY is all about ‘contact with the inside leg and outside rein’, ‘keeping hands down during transition and switching leg contact’, ‘putting the horse at a jump perfectly straight, fast enough to gain momentum and slow enough to maintain control’ and some of this comes at me in Spanish!!!

My first lesson I almost came off because I was leaning forward too far over the jump and I think Tecal can sense I’m not a jumper and freaks out at the last minute! I’m only going over 80cm – 1m jumps and I’m struggling! I’m using muscles I’ve never used before and I’m absolutely buggered after half an hour of riding. I think everyone things I’m a massive amateur but even after 3 lessons I’ve learned so much! And not only about riding, I’ve witnessed a ‘pregnancy check’ (basically a man sticking his hands up a horse’s shoofter), an attempted foal weaning, learnt how to tie multitudes of safety knots, alternative horsemanship like bit-less bridles and countless (possibly useless) information on the performance on different breeds and the best way to approach them. Imagine what I’ll learn after 6 weeks!!! It is hard work, I have blisters on my riding fingers and they’re getting infected and sore, I have bruises from the wheelbarrow and I am homesick, but this is such an amazing experience and I really think I will be glad I did this. I feel a sense of accomplishment doing this, like I’m not just touring the touristy cities and seeing things everyone else sees, I’m tailoring the holiday to me and what I like. Michelle my trainer is taking me to a fiesta in town tonight which should be interesting (especially working the next day!), so I somehow think this intended diet will have to wait until I get home. But I’m hoping I still feel so optimistic after a few more weeks!!!s

Bathelona baby

2008-10-05T06:47:00.000-07:00

What an eventful city. So far, after being in Barcelona for 5 days, we’ve witnessed an attempted suicide by an obviously drug-fucked woman with a broken bottle, a guy who’d been stabbed and was bleeding all over the pavement (both in the middle of the main street), a Barcelona game at Camp Nou, one of the most amazing football stadiums in the world (see its not all blood and violence Mum!), a large array of awesome street busking which puts Circular Quay to shame, a cooking class in which we were taught how to make tapas, sangria and paella and numerous ciders and kebab consumption in the city pubs and bars. So everyone keeps going on about how dangerous Barcelona is, but touch wood we haven’t had any troubles yet. We’re pretty alert about our belongings but I haven’t seen anyone who looks completely dodgy yet. There were thieves lurking around while we were doing our cooking class apparently but I think they aim for the stupid white-socked tourists who carry all their money around with them in bumbags and cameras slung around their necks! We’ve seen a lot of crazy shit here but strangely I don’t feel like I’m personally in any danger, even at a crowded football match or in the underground stations.

Unfortunately I can’t upload photos onto blogger for some reason but I’ll try and put them up in the next hostel. I’m so glad we decided to stay in Barcelona longer than first intended, although it’s not the most attractive city we’ve been to, its certainly eventful! We’ve met heaps of people here, Americans, Germans, more Aussies and a few locals as well which has provided us with much entertainment (more-so because of the wonderful way they lisp when they talk!!!)

So it turns out they don’t actually speak Spanish here. Well they do, but the main language is completely different, it sounds more Portuguese to me, and it also turns out that nowhere that I’m going on this trip has Spanish as their main language! I’ve been conversing as much as I can in Spanish but I don’t think I’m going to pick up a great deal here. But at least I can get around with basic words and numbers.

The great thing about Spain is that everyone does everything about 4 hours later than the times I’m used to. No one rises before midday and everything is open until about 10pm so you can start the day a lot later and not feel like you have to get up early in the morning! It’s a bit hard for Bec who is an automatic 8am riser, but I’m adapting quite nicely!!! We’re going to a film festival in Sitges tonight (http://www.cinemasitges.com/uk/) at a beach a little south of here that’s supposed to be really cool so that should be fun. We’re meeting up with our friend Braddles on Wednesday which will be fantastico because I haven’t seen him in 8 months and its always good to see a person from home that you can catch up with. So that’s a brief account of recent events.

Hasta luego amigos, stay tuned for photos!

Random thoughts of the day

2008-10-01T12:35:00.000-07:00

Just a few random words tonight. We've managed to find a hostel in Barcelona with really good internet (the Spanish know how to do it!) and I've also swapped a few movies with the owner of the hostel who has a crazy powerful and spanking new mac in his office so I'm quite happy that all my affairs are up to date! We've been shopping like crazy today, no matter how hard we try we just can't keep away from Zara! I don't know why they don't have it in Australia, it would go off! We're going to the beach tomorrow and then learning how to cook (and hopefully pronounce...) paella! So in two weeks time I will have to say goodbye to Bec which will be really sad and embark on the last part of my journey at an equestrian centre which I'm a little apprehensive about. I know its not going to be anything like what I experienced in Dorking, but I'm still worried I'm going to get the homesickness I seem to get when I'm in the same place for too long on my own (without people I know of course...). I'm very excited that I'll finally learn how to jump properly (on a horse, not on my own, although I am fairly retarded in the jumping side of things) not that I can really use it for anything, but I guess its like riding a bike...

The other thing I'd like to randomly mention is the difficulty I seem to be having in picking up Spanish again (gaudium de lingua you may appreciate this). In south america, it was not an effort to pick up the language, it just happened because you had to learn to speak the basics or you didn't eat (or you ate something you just pointed at which usually turned out to be bread with cheese...). It was a smooth process and at the end of a couple of months you find yourself ordering almost anything in another language and you're a little bit chuffed! I know Barcelona is a touristy city but so many times I've been asking people questions in Spanish and they reply in English! Bec's finding people automatically speaking Spanish to her because she has the latin looking complexion, but me with my "english rose" skin - why will no one speak Spanish to me? Its as if they see me coming - a gringo wanting to learn a few words while I'm here for a couple of months, and they just don't even bother obliging me from the start! I'm hoping it gets a little more cultural in the smaller cities but at this rate I'll learn nothing at all!

Oh well, even if I did pick up more Spanish, I'd come home and forget it all anyway. I know its a defeatist attitude but the dream of being multi lingual without the accompanying effort is fading away everyday.... Come on latino man of my dreams who will subsequently teach me the language and produce bilingual children with me!! Now where's that cute hostel owner with his fancy puter.........bye!

Vrgada Boat Tour

2008-09-29T02:09:00.000-07:00

We have just docked from a fan-bloody-tastic cruise around the Dalmatia Coast. I was a little bit worried it would be a contiki-esque porn fest but it turned out to be full of girls, 5 of whom Bec and I got on famously with! Well, we didn’t really have a choice, there were 25 girls and 6 guys (2 of them single) so it was time to accept the girl bonding sessions which actually worked out not as painful as I first thought. These girls are exactly like us. They like to eat, they’re not the type to go out until all hours of the morning unless its worth it, they like antipasto picnics on top of mountains (one of our adventures in Hvar) and we even formed an all girl boy band called Buoyz. Just one of those jokes that forms out of nowhere and seems to keep going, but I think we do a pretty good job of being the Nick Carters and Robbie Williams of the world!

My personal favourite island was Hvar, but not for the reasons I thought. I was told to go there because it’s the party island and there is heaps to do there but we docked quite late and so had an impulse picnic up near the castle overlooking our boat (amongst some lovely super yachts, mind you, which some of the girls on our boat managed to sweet talk their way onto!). Most of the clubs closed early or were not open at all due to the fact that in Croatia “summer has finished” and therefore also any social life that may have some with it, but most of us were too buggered from doing nothing all day on the boat to care!

We were almost evacuated from Mljet due to a huge bushfire so close to the town that we were a little bit scared… but most people kept on drinking in the bars anyway and we managed to survive so it was all good!!!

We tried the cuisine at every stop (yes, gelato is part of Croatian cuisine….) and managed to get some lovely seafood dishes with bizarre looking squid and other delicacies.

We were treated to some beautiful sunsets at most ports and the general atmosphere was so relaxed and chilled out that I’m really struggling to get back into the usual hectic pace of traveling!

We’re off to Barcelona this week and going to a football game in Camp Nou (apparently a big game against Atletico Madrid) so I shall update you more in terms of photos then.

Sorry guys, that’s all I have time for today, the internet in Croatia is ridiculously expensive and I feel ripped off and abused as I type!!

Ciao amigos, hasta luego!

Bec kicked our Nemo ball into the water but there was a round of applause from the surrounding boats when it came floating back to us...
Our picnic in Hvar, nice spread!
Turret bar on Korcula, we are sitting in front of a huge hole that drops down to the ocean!

The boating life is hard...

We are blessed.

2008-09-20T00:20:00.000-07:00

(Prepare for the longest running sentences you will encounter).

Trieste was supposed to be a relaxing break from the hustle and bustle of the many cities we have faced on our awesome, but not altogether smooth running holiday. A quiet little coastal town, so close to Slovenia, it was selected by Clare and Rebecca (advanced travelers and frequent Euro train and bus patrons, and therefore complete experts on the subject (!)), as the perfect place to position ourselves for a one day visit to a set of caves so thoroughly researched and longed for by Rebecca, otherwise known as Skojan Caves.

After being directed to a set of caves in Slovenia, which unbeknownst to us were in fact a DIFFERENT set of caves to the ones we were intending to visit (one would probably deduce with the help of basic high school geography, that an area known for its amazing underground rivers and rock structures would MOST LIKELY boast more than one set of caves…our bad), a detour was in order to redirect to the RIGHT caves, a fairly expensive venture in terms of both time and money (deep breaths).

We eventually arrived at the caves at 4pm (having left Trieste at 10am…need I say more about the apparent reliability of the “when in Rome” sentiment – never believe the locals, even if they don’t know how to get somewhere they WILL make it up…).

Despite this costly mishap, we had a lovely afternoon in the humid 12 degree depths, the walking path that descends more than 170m underground and winding through stalagmites and stalegtites was lined (romantically enough..) with small lantern lights – a truly breathtaking scene. Bec managed to hit the nail that is her fear of heights right on the head by traversing a bridge high enough to make even the non vertigo sufferer’s knees like jelly (ahem, me…). I felt much like I imagine Shmeagle (to be said in a slimy bubble-in-the-throat tone) would, surrounded by a constant, yet not creepy dripping sound, followed by the rush of an underground river and still-live stalagmites/tites that resembled various amimalia figures. A river enters outside these caves and flows underground until it re-emerges somewhere in Italy. They were in fact the most amazing caves I’ve ever seen and you’ll have to take my word for it due to the stingyness of the Slovenians whom prevented any photo taking…

Aaaaaanyway, after our nice little sojourn, we walk to the station closest to the caves as apparently the free shuttle service finishes before the last tour (go figure). This was no mean feat by the way, we miraculously managed to choose the right path despite some very ambiguous directions and distinct lack of signage (and with some help from a young man from Colorado called Charlie). We catch a train to Sezana, according to the cave people, this is the way to get to Trieste. To our complete and unpleasant surprise, we are told that the next train to Trieste departs at 4am! After trying to decipher the conversation of a few train conductors (most likely trying to get the younger man of the group to give us a lift to Trieste in the hope of being paid in kind…) we refused to give up and walked to the Autostazione and managed (with some more help from a lovely Dutch bus driver) to decipher another sign (in Italian – go Clare and her universal language skills!) that there is in fact a trial bus that began less than a month ago, leaving in half an hour to Trieste! There is a God despite my previous beliefs! After confirmation from a cute Italian man donning cereal in bulk, our elation is well and truly set in.

IN ADDITION (oh yes my avid blog readers, there IS MORE), not only were we really getting home on wing and a prayer, the bus trip set us back a whole 1 euro, 6 euro cheaper than the fare there…and so the vision of us sleeping on a train platform in the tiny town of Sezana, surrounded by seedy Slovenian train conductors until 4am, is vanquished! Hooray!!

So despite the constant obstacles that seemed to present themselves way more often than any obstacle should, we were unbelievable relieved to have stumbled on this accidental method of travel home with a king sized bed, pepsi machines and a roof over our heads waiting for us in Trieste.

We are truly blessed. I’m becoming a Catholic again. (Figure of speech only…don’t get excited Grandma…)

From Munich with Love

2008-09-04T03:58:00.000-07:00

I’m currently on a train to Rothenburg ob de Tauber which is rather exciting, not because its such a cute little town, but because it has an awesome Christmas shop and Bec and I are so into shiny things and all things festive! Munich is pretty cool but we haven’t had time to explore it very well yet because we missed 2 free tours, one because of my bum steer in the opposite direction to where we were supposed to meet (I know, it wasn’t Bec this time!) and secondly, because we didn’t give ourselves enough time to get to the main square! We did, however, manage to get to the truly kitsch but slightly amusing Glockenshpeil, a clock in the main square with rotating figures and nice bells! The hostel is really cool and I’m glad to have a decent WIFI connection for a change because we’ve exhausted our collection of Shameless seasons and need to download series 3 before we get withdrawl symptoms!

When I first stayed in hostels, it really didn’t bother me how much noise people made, how much mess they made or the things they did but I think its slowly starting to get to me. Last night I opened a window to let some fresh air in and some girl came and closed it after I’d gotten into bed. Now, I can understand that people would want to close curtains, but why would anyone want to be in a room with no oxygen coming in? It never used to bother me that people don’t like windows open but now I’m longing for my own room where I can have the window wide open! I come from a household where doors and windows are always open (sometimes in winter too) and there is never a feeling of mustiness or claustrophobia. I know some people obviously don’t live like this, but its driving me crazy that I can’t dictate my own living conditions. I’m fine having other people in my room, but I like to have a shower when I want, open all the windows and not have to trek 2 floors everytime I want a cup of tea.

Its not driving me crazy to the point where I want to come home, but I will be so grateful for my own bed, a strong shower and my own living space when I get home. Mum, you say that you think I’ll want to move out when I get home to have my own living space, but if anything being at home is ten times better than living with other people who don’t share your lifestyle. I think living at home for a few months will be blissful!! (As long as I get my car and computer back!!!)

Here are a few photos to show you what we’ve been up to in the last week or so.

Flowers are fun

And oh so sweet smelling!

Beautiful Praha from the top of a hill

No European city would be complete without icecream!

Getting on the Caiparinas in some South American bar!

Bec playing marbles in a random competition we found. She was the only Australia representative.

Gerneral thoughts and ponderings on travel

2008-08-27T07:31:00.000-07:00

BERLIN

So I’ve decided that you probably don’t want to hear my every movement in every city (excl. Mum!) and would probably rather hear my opinions rather than the places I see bla bla bla.

So here are my thoughts on hostels. I’ve been forced to think a little more closely about them because I’m actually reviewing each hostel I visit for a website that will pay me $10 per review. Might as well, only takes 10 minutes and takes the expense off a bit, hopefully its not a dodgy set up where I never get paid, but I’ll give it a red hot go hey! (Wow, I sound Australian even whilst typing!)

So basically, East Germany is officially the home of the COOLEST hostels I’ve ever been to! The first one in Berlin was unreal. It was cosy, lively, comfy and had everything you could need (bar a stove top) and contained the coolest people and the coolest art. This hostel was filled with murals and paintings and even had themed rooms (which we unfortunately didn’t get to stay in). There were panels all down our corridor with information about stuff in Berlin, but instead of having framed pieces of paper, they’d used huge panels covered with paint and impasto relief and funky drawings. I knew Berlin was a centre for art and creativity but there is so much visual activity here, I should have studied here instead of Paddington in order to bring out my creative side. The room in Dresden I’m writing my email from is covered in posters lacquered to the wall from fancy German magazines (a giant poster of Orlando Bloom definitely adds to the charm!) and stenciled flowers, and frilly fly nets and funky light shades, and teddy bears tied to beds with string. I feel like I’m in a 13 year old’s room! It makes me want to go home and get out the impasto (a thick paste that dries on canvas to make relief paintings) and create works of art of my own to adorn my room. I’ve never felt so inspired and creative in my life and I have no materials with which to express it!

Back to the hostel thing though. Got a bit carried away.

So there’s another thing I’ve picked up. Boys are SOOO much easier to live with than girls. I’ve had so many girls getting petty and bitching in hostels, complaining about noise, leaving shit everywhere, not taking any notice that you’re even in the room. Boys always acknowledge you and strike up a convo, no matter how old they are or where they’re from. Hence, I’ve decided my future roommates must include at least one male – Mitch, you’re it!! (Actually I find Bec more of a male than a female to live with, easy going, takes about 5 minutes to get ready, so its pretty good!!!)

We went out to a pub around the corner of our hostel in Berlin with a couple of young pommy guys staying in our room and also met 3 Italian guys who spoke very little English! Although the night’s conversations were a huge effort and took some time to get to any agreement on vocabulary, it was very entertaining talking to the Italians about soccer, their hometown of Turin and various Italian foods! We exchanged emails and they said we are welcome to stay with them in Turin but I think it’s a little out of the way for us. We taught them how to eat Vegemite the proper way (lots of butter, very thin scraping of the yeasty goodness) at 4am in the hostel and then parted ways with much hugging and sincerity (bloody Italians, can’t do anything without emotion!).

That’s another thing – there are countless amounts of people you meet whilst traveling. Some of them you swap details with, others you don’t. But Bec and I were discussing the other day that although you may get on well with someone for a day or even a few hours, you don’t feel like you have to ever see them again. Although this may sound sad, its actually good. You don’t find that person’s faults, the niggling habbits that you hate, you never get to know them well enough that they tell you boring stories about their life at home, you only learn of their travels, a brief history of their life in general and is mostly jokes and banter about the different things you’ve see throughout your journey. Its like having a bite of someone else’s chocolate bar – you have the initial richness and taste but you don’t get to the point where you’re full or have overdone on the taste. Like an antipasto. The people you meet are the mezze plate of life.

For example, we went on a tour of Sachsenhausen concentration camp (very depressing and eye opening, but well worth going to) and met 3 Aussies. We got on quite well with them and it was good to have someone to talk to, but we’ll never see them again, and I’m quite happy with that outcome.

So now I’m in Dresden, an almost Florentine city with plenty of churches and castles (although most of them are reconstructions after getting the shite bombed out of them!) and the place is full of little ally ways that open up to giant courtyards with hippy shops, alternative cafes and buildings with the most amazing adornments! This is sort of how I pictured Amsterdam to be. Our hostel is fantastic and we have so many facilities. We cooked spag bowl with spinach to catch up on a high dose of iron after being almost vegetarian for a week, it was bloody unreal! Its amazing the things you miss when you’re a nomad with limited cooking utencils!!!

A Hasty Account of This Week's Events

2008-08-23T03:38:00.000-07:00

DELFT

I woke up early and left Cuz’s place for Heathrow to meet up with Schmecky. I’d been counting down the days until I saw her cos I was missing her so much and keen to start our next adventure! After a very enthusiastic reunion and an 8 hour catch up at the airport, we flew to Amsterdam and caught a train to Delft where Jeff and Anna were waiting for us. We had an early night cos Schmeck was hungover and I was tired from an early start but was so happy to be in a country where the culture was different from my own. London was great for about 2 days but it was boring, cultureless (not historyless but lacked any form of heart or community) too many Australians lived there and I honestly couldn’t wait to leave!

We woke to eggs and bacon cooked by Jeff (god bless him!) and went on a bike tour throughout Delft. Its such a gorgeous little town with a canal running through it and full of blue and white china.
As we were in Holland, we decided to go with Jeff to a ‘coffee shop’ and buy some weed. It was hilarious, Anna’s brother had to teach us what was what as there was a whole menu of different kinds and the two of us, being the drug-free innocent individuals that we are, were clueless.
We bought a little bag of California something (as advised) and were on our merry way feeling rather naughty but had done nothing illegal so used that thought as a justification!

LOWLANDS

So we made our way to Lowlands where we had to line up for about an hour with huge packs on because they don’t let you take cars into the camping complex.
Basically, Lowlands is Big Day Out on steroids. It’s a 3 day festival where you camp close to the music but we spent 5 days there to get in early and get a good spot close to the loos! There is a 24 hr tent pumping hard core techno beats around the clock so its rather hard to get to sleep but other than that it was a lot of fun! Bec and I saw bands like Pendulum (rocked the house down, so good!), Digitalism, Simian Mobile Disco, The Presidents of the USA, Underworld (also fantastic!), Tricky, The Fratellis and so on.

Bec and I chilled out with a joint which we decided wasn’t that great and that we get giggly and hungry without the help of weed so donated the rest of our weed to Jeff and Anna!
After being considerably grubby for 5 days but having an awesome time we came back to Delft feeling out of whack and very sleepy but made our way into The Hague for dinner anyway, we’d come all this way so couldn’t justify not going!
The Hague was cool, but being a Monday, was dead. We went to a pub and had a cider and a curry and perved on the cute English bar tender then made our way home to get a decent night’s sleep!

After a sad departure from Jeff and Anna (we know we won’t see them again for about a year!) and took a train to Amsterdam and I am now writing from my very basic but comfortable hostel about to go and see the sights. My next post will be all about the good ol Amsterdam so until then chaps!!!

AMSTERDAM

Amsterdam was cool. Everyone knows how it goes, prossys, weed and seediness everywhere but I can’t get over the transformation between night and day. We did our own little walking tour throughout the city and it all seemed nice and safe and harmless, canals everywhere with cute little boats, people on bikes and outdoor cafes. Then we went out again at night to the same street we’d walked down hours earlier and it was filled with red-lit windows featuring bikini clad girls wanting a bite from the curious tourist. They were all BEAUTIFUL girls, I was expecting slutty trashbags but they were all gorgeous and some of them looked quite young. Here is a first hand account of the night from Schmecky.

“They say that first impressions last, and now I totally know what ‘they’ mean when ‘they’ say that Amsterdam will stay with you forever. At first glance, perhaps not the most beautiful city, but nice. But it is certainly most phallic!! There are dildos and sex shops and live shows and porno cinemas everywhere! Clare and I had dinner at a pizza place directly opposite one said cinema. But to put a cherry on the top of the first said impression, we have just returned from the illusive red light district! Oh my! I have never seen girls who looked so bored in all my life! And they were good looking and everything! Standing there, some undulating in their fluorescent knickers in the window, some smoking and casually chatting away on their phones (to whom, their mums?)
Clare and I suggested that they up the ante of their window antics pronto (as there weren’t too many drawn curtains if you know what I mean!) and get windmill nipple ornaments or even tassels to increase their clientele!”

The ladies don't like photos so its a bit fuzzy but how whack is this shit???

It was definitely an eye opener walking down that street, but I was glad to go home to my warm hostel bed knowing I’m not a state where I rely on selling my body.

Day 2 in Amsterdam involved a lot of rain, a walk down to the local park for lunch, much people watching and the purchase of some much needed cargo pants! I’ve resolved that the Dam is great for people who like getting drunk, stoned and laid, but not so good for those starting off an adventure where you want to see typical European alps and countryside. We’re on our way to all this, but we have to stop off at Berlin. I know its not exactly countryside but it’s a city you can’t really miss and so my next post will be from there.
Over and out.

Clare's Excellent Adventures Cont.

2008-08-07T14:34:00.000-07:00

So in just 5 days I am going to resume my travels (thank bloody Christ!) and I've decided to put together a little itinerary, similar to the South American one for you to all follow. It also helps me remember exactly where I'm going as I'm an unorganised git.

The trip begins in Delft, a town 45 minutes out of Amsterdam where my mate Jeff is currently living with his Dutch girlfriend, Anna. Next weekend is dedicated to the Lowlands festival, where we will watch some fantastic bands. Then to Berlin, Prague, Vienna, then Tolmezzo where we will visit Schmecky's family again and attempt to translate their Italian. From here we'll do a bit of Austria, Saltzburg, Innsbruk, then off to Slovenia where Schmecky has some walking tours through a national forest organised.

We then go to Croatia, where we will board a sailing tour of the Dalmatia Coast (awesome!) for a week, then fly to Barcelona on 1st October. Here, Schmecky and I will trek around up to San Sabastian (I hear is one of the best beaches in the world!) where we'll meet Braddles. Then Schmecky flies home on 14th October and I continue to A Cornuna where I'm planning on accepting a job at a horseriding place where they need help taking care of horses used for tourism and comptition (no kids! Yay!)

So there is the next and last leg of my journey! Another 4 months of excitement and then I'm back hoe just in time for my birthday and a good ol Aussie summer!

Globetrotting! Gotta love it - Mum, we'll do it together in a couple of years

The Fridge Has Spoken

2008-08-07T02:33:00.000-07:00

I am currently sitting in my room, its pissing down outside, here's the proof:

Lara slowly getting covered while Miss Madame cleans her room

I'm watching the first round of Olympic football, Belgium vs Brasil (go Brasil!), wishing they would screen the Australia vs Serbia game, but not to be. It got me thinking about my slight obsession with collecting football jerseys. I bought one for each country I went to in South America and had quite the collection by the time I left, but decided to give them to my soccer mates as a pressie, which they all seem to be quite impressed with (don't worry guys I washed them before I sent them home and only wore them once!!). I kept an Ecuador one, not because they're particularly good at football, but because it was a nice, modern design in a pretty colour! Then just browsing through Facebook the other day, I came across some photos that a new girl in our team had put up. I got a pang of jealously because there are all these new girls in my team (that's right, MY team!) and they're doing really well this year, they're even playing in the finals. We didn't do very well last year as we were in a grade that I thought was too high for us, but I honestly can't wait to get back into it!! I miss playing, and whenever I watch it on TV I find the urge even stronger! I've promised Schmecky that because she's missing the finals to come and play with me in Amsterdam, we will go to a bar on Wednesday and watch a game of Olympic football and drink the blues away with some Dutch lager! Estevez, we're counting on you to keep the team alive! Go Rockets!!!

Most of our team last year. Some people had a habit of not showing up

The Brasilians cheering when Botafago (the nation's favourite) scores a gooooooooool!

The Ecuador jersey I kept, I think its quite trendy!

Peru - we had a 'Colours of Peru' dress up night!

Bolivia

Brasil - sent this one home too but I shall use it at a later date

Didn't buy a Paraguay one but the boys on our tour did. Nice one

Time for a walk

2008-08-03T09:14:00.000-07:00

Due to the fact that I'm working my little butt off and receiving no payment, I have developed this twisted psychological trait that I can't shake. I have been eating as much and as elaborately as I can out of the family fridge as that, and accommodation, is my only reward for working so hard. I've only just discovered that I feel that food is my currency here and if I eat a lot, it justifies all the things I do for free here. I know its insane, but I honestly can't stop myself, I tried for about a week and felt miserable so decided just not to fight it and wait until a weeks to become healthy again.

The family buy fatty, chocolatey, greesy food and eat minimal vegetables, so naturally, as a result of my unstoppable gorging, i have put on a fair amount of weight. Now, I can't blame the last month only for this weight gain, I think a little too much fun involving alcohol in South America and a little too much fun involving hot dogs and donuts in North America may also have contributed. But I am feeling disgusting, unhealthy, unfit and am in dire need of some fresh fruit and veggies and daily exercise. This will come to me in the form of a friend named Schmecky. I'm meeting her in just over a week at Heathrow to fly to Amsterdam and continue my travels throughout Europe and apparently she's already bought a pair of trainers and is planning some long walking tours through each city we're visiting, including an 18km walk in some forest in Slovenia, as well as a tour through some underground caves. The plan is too lose the weight I've gained in the last 6 months in less than 2 and come home looking tanned, slim and healthy! Good luck Schmeck, you're the only one who can make me do it!

Before

After - damn the temptation of beer!

Kind sir

2008-08-01T14:32:00.000-07:00

I've just finished watching Atonement. I read the book earlier in the year and struggled to finish it because of its complete lack of plot, inability to intrigue and missing climax. However I found the movie absolutely intriguing and was in tears the whole way through. Its interesting how a movie managed to evoke emotions the book failed to (usually its the other way around), it could be the music, the imagery, but I've decided that it is due to one actor whom I've completely underrated until now. This is James McAvoy. He's been in a few films, mostly English dramas (Last King of Scotland, Becoming Jane), and I've never really noticed him until recently. He is one of the most amazing actors I've ever seen. He manages to transform stories that I would otherwise be completely disinterested in, into intense dramas.

In Becoming Jane - a Jane Austin account, he co-stars with Anne Hathaway. I would normally have dismissed this film (Jane Austin - booorrrriiiinng), but I was transfixed. He's not a particularly attractive fellow, but he has this certain aura that I find so unbelievably appealing. Without sounding too cliche, he has the most amazing blue eyes that a girl just melts in! He's the type of person I think I could marry - not arrogant or traditionally beautiful, but he has a kind face and an intensity that makes me faint!

Keira Knightley, the soppy little pouter that she is, didn't do any favours for Atonement, but James (yes we're on a first name basis) made it such an emotional story and I thought it is one of the best films I've seen this year.

Why won't a man like this ask kindly for my hand whilst strolling through the gardens on a summers day?

What's more is he has a tops Scottish accent and is funny too! Does it get any better?:

The show must go on

2008-07-31T13:14:00.000-07:00

Today I witnessed a very sad event. A beautiful Bay mare dropped dead after having a heart attack in the middle of a show. In a showing class, the rider is expected to show all the aspects of a horse, including a gallop. The horses all do this one by one and then line up afterwards. This mare galloped for about 20 meters and then went to line up with the others. Soon afterwards, it started looking a bit wobbly, the rider knew something was wrong and jumped off straight away. The horse kept neighing and neighing, obviously screaming for help and then collapsed. By this point everyone was looking at her, she was kicking in the air and her breathing was incredibly laboured. The vet came rushing over and they put a big white screen around her but failed to cover her completely because I saw them dragging her limp body into a trailer.

At this stage I was bawling, I've never seen a horse die before, especially so dramatically. The rider was devastated and left the ring in the horse float. Everyone around me was shocked but as soon as she'd been taken away, the show kept going on as if nothing had happened! I couldn't believe it, here I was crying over this horse I didn't even know and no one even flinched! I can't believe how the horse society acts. The poor horse was obviously not fit enough for the gallop aspect or had not been warmed up enough. The whole way home The Mum was saying 'Poor rider, can you imagine bringing a horse to a show and then leaving without it? He could have been really hurt if he didn't get off in time!' Poor rider? What about the bloody horse who was obviously so scared that it was crying for help and everyone just sat there staring at it. I know there's not much you can do for a horse in this situation but a little bit of respect at least, I can't believe they went on with the show! Anyway, maybe I just needed a cry, maybe it was just too dramatic watching a horse die in agony, but I cried a lot today and seemed to be the only only one. Time for some chocolate.

Photo just before the event. This is Monarch, the horse we were showing in the foreground, the mare in the left background was the one who died. Poor sod.

2008-07-28T11:27:00.000-07:00

To all those who are requesting more photos, I am currently uploading my entire trip onto Flickr (please see Rinks on the right hand side). See, I am becoming so involved in the online community - took me a while! PS, I have a fair few photos so make yourself a cup of tea before you begin.

Clarence

Miner Clarence to the rescue!

Place your bets

2008-07-28T10:11:00.001-07:00

I'm living with a bunch of fools. Today The Mum took her beautiful 14hh Conomara out on a ride in 28 degree heat with a neck rug on so he sweats more. She did this because he's put on weight and he needs to sweat it out. Now, one with any iota of common sense would realise that a horse who is kept in a box 24/7, fed on hard grain and working horse mix and ridden once a week or less, would probably put on a fair bit of weight. Maybe instead of making the poor thing sweat to death, cut down on his food or RIDE HIM once in a while!!!

It seems I'm the only one with any horse knowledge around here, despite the fact that they won't let me ride because they're not sure of my skills. She hasn't even attempted to see me ride and for crying out loud her kids don't even know when they're on the wrong leg! Horse riding isn't rocket science but apparently they don't trust my abilities around them, they wouldn't even let me wash one of the ponies today, it was rearing and putting its head up because they kept hosing it in the face - if they had given me a chance I could have told them that all they needed to do was stop the gushing sound by using a jug or a sponge and wash from behind instead of in front where the horse can't see the hose. Its appalling what these poor animals go through because this family think that having nice joddies and new rugs make them horse smart.

On top of all this the kids are treating me like their personal slave. Today Miss Madame told me I was here to do stuff for her and that the only reason The Mum is letting me stay is to help her with the chores. She then proceeded to tell me to do all her afternoon jobs for her while she went inside and ate. I tried shouting at her, appealing to The Mum, saying I'm happy to help, but not do everything for them, but still I ended up doing everything while the kids sit on their spoilt arses and watch me.

I was so close to telling her I want to leave today. I went up to my room, took a few breaths, then went back down. But I don't know how much more of this I can take!

Ladies and gentlemen, place your bets. Will Clare stay and put herself through this agony in the name of free food or go back to London...

I need to scream!

2008-07-27T13:49:00.001-07:00

So its apparent that this blog has become one of my outlets for whinging. I had an hour long convo with Baino the other day, most of it spent complaining and venting, but she and this blog are my only methods so you'll have to bare with me until I have something positive to write about!!!

So I went out to dinner with the makeshift family tonight. What a nightmare!!! Mum and Grandpa used to take us to this lovely little restaurant near our house called Arthurs. Even as small children, we were always expected to behave perfectly, eat with the best manners and there was even a 'table prize' for the person who had the cleanest table cloth at the end of the dinner. It was a great bonding session and even though we were young and distracted by shiny things a lot, the most we ever did was fall asleep.

Tonight's dinner began with Miss Madame shouting 'service' when the waiter wasn't at our table in 30 seconds. This was followed by a few minutes of good behavior until the meal arrived. This was met with 'I want pepper', 'I want a drink' etc. Miss Madame announced that her 'meal was disgusting and mummy shouldn't have to pay for it' and Spoilt Brat sat at the table putting toothpicks in his drink and spitting it through the gap in his teeth. Spoilt Brat then went on a sugar rush and when told to shut up, got up and started walking down the street. The Mum followed him, trying to catch him, shouting idol threats of taking them home, putting them in the car etc, however the kids just ignored her and went on about their naughty ways. Miss Madame sat in her chair whinging at the top of her voice so that everyone could hear about how her dinner tasted like shit and she was never coming there again.

The people on the table next to us were looking at us in disgust and I've never felt so embarrassed. I felt like going over to them and telling them that I wasn't with them, I'm not part of their family and in fact am planning on leaving them and never seeing them again in 2 weeks.

But, being the good little a pair that I am I just sat there, ate quietly and politely and ignored the entire situation. Now I know what people who channel their anger internally feel like. About to pull my hair out or implode. Breathe. Deep breaths. Mum - thank you for bringing us up so well!!! I never thought table etiquette would come in handy but apparently it makes me look like a god damned angel next to these little bastards!!!

Get by with a little help from my friends

2008-07-27T04:10:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I've been writing a fair bit about my family, understandably because they're a pretty damn good family, but I often fail to express how much I appreciate my friends. First of all, there are two types of friends. There are those that hug and kiss you when they see you, tell everyone how good friends you are with them, buy you nice presents for your birthday and send you lovely messages on special occasions. These friends (although they are still friends) I have found are usually also only there for you when its convenient for them. They fail to contact you for over 6 months when you leave the country and basically don't give a shit about you, you're just one more name in their phone and one extra person on the 'people to call to go out with' list.

Then there is another type of friend. The ones that aren't particularly over-the-top with their affections, very rarely tell you they love you, aren't particularly touchy feely or affectionate, don't exchange gifts on birthdays unless its a really special one and don't go around displaying their friendship with you to others. However, these friends will email you on a weekly basis while you're away. They scream with happiness when you call them. They're there for you not only in the times when you need them, but the times you don't. They know you like the back of their hand and you can completely and utterly let go of yourself when you're around them, snort when you laugh, tell them all the things you wouldn't tell your mother (actually in that case its not much at all!), tell them when that shirt looks stupid or they have something in their teeth. You can eat like a pig around them because they're doing the same thing. Its not an effort to have fun around them, you can spend an entire Sunday watching Gilmore Girls and not say a word to each other but still have an awesome time. You know for a fact they'll be the first to your BBQ because they don't need to be 'fashionably late' and want to help chop the onions.

Sometimes it takes you a while to realise which friends fit into each category. It may take an event to show you the truth, traveling with them, not seeing them for a while, a breakup or a sad time in your life. But when you do realise who your true friends are, you know they'll always be that. They'll be there not because they need a friend, but because they genuinely love you exactly the way you are. They are rare, some people never find them, I'm glad that I have.

My besties, Esteves and Schmecky. We are seen here enjoying one of many things we have in common - a love of cake!

A Day In The Life....

2008-07-26T04:12:00.000-07:00

For those who want to know what I'm up to in that so unpleasantly named Dorking, here is a detailed chronology of events in the average day of Clarence. Although I have to grit my teeth a fair bit in this average day, the benefits outweigh the cons of this country life and so here goes a day in the life of....me.

Between 5:30am - 8am: Wake up to the sound of Lara grooming herself on my bed, cows mooing outside my window and horses neighing out the other. Quite lovely really, you'd think so much noise would be annoying but there are no cars, no traffic, no sirens and thankfully no bloody cockatoos!

8am - 9am: Get dressed and go to the chicken pen to let the chickies out of their night cages. The foxy loxys around here are crafty and like the taste of fresh chook. You have to watch out for the geese cos they hiss at you and bite, lil buggars!

Go and muck out the horses. This involves 8 stables. Feed them grain, chalf and hay, top up their water and give them all a good cuddle!

Harry Houdini, gorgeous stallion always trying to get out of his stable to harass the ladies!

Divine having a little nap, she's so gorgeous and my favourite

Bertie Boo is a little buggar sometimes but he's a softy underneath

9am - 10am: Prepare breaky for the kids. This really involves getting everything out of the cupboards and fridge, apparently they can't get all this themselves, I'm not sure who taught these kids motor functions but despite being healthy kids they struggle with even the smallest tasks, a result of lack of discipline.

Make sure the kids are dressed and ready for whatever the day brings. Usually making Clare do everything for them.

10am - 12noon: These hours are either spent riding the horses, doing odd jobs such as harrowing the fields, burning old hay, cleaning the house, sorting out all the junk in the shed or taking the kids on a bike ride which is usually spent trying to convince Little Madame that she can in fact ride up the hill and that she cannot expect me to carry two bikes home because she's too lazy to do it herself. Little Madame and Spoilt Brat usually spend these hours trying to kill each other, either with or without weapons and try as I might to break it up I always fail miserably.

12 noon: I prepare lunch for everyone, pack away and clean afterwards. Again, I don't understand why no one can at least help me with this task!!!

The 'menage' or schooling arena which I have to keep tidy and change the jumping course each week

Here's the house with Sam, Jimmy and Smartie out the front

1pm - 3pm: This time is usually spent at a horse show. The kids ride in classes of jumping and showing while I run all the errands: tacking, untacking, fetching coffee, feeding and watering the horses, entering competitions, holding chips, fetching whips, dressing the kids in their showing stuff, bandaging and unbandaging horses, washing horses, barely have time to take a breath!

4pm - 6pm: Muck out horses again, feed and water. There's always time to cuddle my babies though!!

6am - 8pm: Feed all 5 dogs, collect the chicken's eggs and put them away, clean the poo off the eggs and put them in containers out the front of the property to sell.

8pm - 9pm: Prepare dinner, tidy up and wash up afterwards. Watch East Enders (my favourite part of the day!)

10pm: Take the dogs for a walk in the woods so they don't wee overnight.

10:30pm: Have a shower, clean all the accumulated poo off myself and relax for a minute in the one place where I don't have people nagging me!

11pm: Get the kids ready for bed, unpack the dishwasher, go to bed about half an hour later and fall asleep within 30 seconds cos I'm so friggin tired.

Believe it or not, this is me in a state of complete relaxation after sending the kids to get an icecream and left to my own devices!

They made me go for the British

Cheering for a clear round in the show jumping

Booing the Germans when they win. Good sports we are!

The last couple of days have been less stressful as we've been going to the Royal International Horse Show. It gave me a chance to go off on my own and look at all the nice horsies so here are a few photos from that

So there you go. Its a full on life but it keeps me occupied. I can't say I'll be sad to leave in two weeks though!!!

God I've got a great fam!

2008-07-24T13:14:00.000-07:00

I sit in bed writing this blog, not because I feel I owe the blog-readers of the world some stories, but more so because the family I’m staying with won’t let me go to bed. Its not a written or verbal law by which I am bound, more of an invisible one, whereby when I try to get under the covers a nosey little head comes peeping into the room asking me questions about how old I am, or wanting to get something from the room I’ve taken over for a month. Even The Mum last night came into my room at 11pm when I was apparently asleep to tell me that she was watching Crocodile Dundee and how good it was.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I haven’t spent a cent since I’ve been working on this farm, I’ve had free food, free entry into some pretty amazing horse shows and a few rides here and there but I have a feeling I’m really doing more than my fair share of the work.

I don’t get a day off, I work from 8am until the kids go to bed which is rather late, even by a 23yr old’s standards. I do all the work I’m happy to do, but I also do a hell of a lot extra. I’m expected to do EVERYTHING for the kids. I have to hold their chip cartons at the shows because they can’t be bothered holding it themselves. I have to put their plates in the dishwasher after every meal because they’re too lazy to do it themselves. I have to cook a different meal for each member of the family because they’re all so picky. I don’t get to sit down for more than 5 minutes because someone wants a cup of tea, or someone needs me to walk to dog, or someone needs me to look after their kids for 5 minutes which turns out to be an hour of unpaid babysitting, including nappy changes! Ahhr!! And worst of all, no one in the entire family has replied ‘yes’ when I’ve asked for a bit of help, even when its quite apparent that I’m struggling with a wheelbarrow or a bale of hay, or an armful of dirty laundry.

Granted, I am no domestic goddess. I shy from most household duties and I’ve been told I’m very bad at them, so this is probably good practice. But its just getting on my nerves at how people are taking advantage of me because I’m too polite to complain. I was even promised babysitting work before I came, however, it appears that people are now just dropping their kids around for me to look after on top of the kids that live here without so much as a thank you.

I have considered talking to The Mum about it and requesting at least a couple of days off, but I have a very strong feeling it will be met with a ‘Well if that’s the case, you should go back to London’. They’ve ‘fired’ a girl already (despite the fact that they weren’t even paying her) for ‘not fitting in’ (meaning she demanded respect and reasonable hours!) So I stay here with free food, lots of animals to keep me company, lots of work that will hopefully help me lose weight and make the 2 and a half weeks I have until Amsterdam with my friends go by even quicker, or I return to London to stay with a bunch of coke-snorting, aggressive lunatics that will charge me for staying there and make me buy my own food?

I guess you just gotta put up with a bit of hard yakka sometimes. But at least I have these beauties to keep me stress free!

Lara my bed companion. She's as close to a snuggle partner I'll get in Dorking.

Bertie my pony's look alike. He loves a good cuddle, basically a giant teddy bear with a fringe

One of the Grand Prix winners in the show jumping. Bewtiful boy.

Winner of the Pure bred Arabian class. My fav horse of the day!

NY - Now

2008-07-09T03:26:00.000-07:00

Please excuse the annoying 3rd person talk in this blog, as it was written by both of us and its a little bit all over the place!

NY was everything you would expect it to be. Romantic, busy, fast - paced and relatively cheap We went crazy on the general cheapness and quality of the produce, needless to say we both added to our dress collection which is coming along quite nicely, Jem by far out - buying Clare, she even has some dresses she hasn't worn yet! We did all the usual touristy stuff;

went to a Yankees game and basically had no idea what was going on, in fact didn’t even know the game had finished! Baseball obviously isn't our bag, although Jem certainly looked the part.

From there headed up to Boston and felt really smart for a day in Harvard!! And visited a witch museum in Salem, that was strange but lunch was unreal at this cute little pub (is it bad that most of our favourite things are shopping and food?).

Next we crossed the border into Canada starting at Montreal, where it honestly felt like we were in French. They spoke, ate, dressed, walked like the French, and although it was a gorgeous little town, it became a it tiresome not having any english anywhere.
The rain was well and truly set in though so we decided to cut Montreal short and hopped on a bus to Toronto to see Frase and Jules. Had the best time with them, its great to see people you know after traveling for a few months. Frase made Jem try her first Guinness (in prep for when she went to Ireland) and she ran water for his AFL game, which ended in a fight and some crude words being exchanged, but all in all a pleasant day! Jules took us out in her home town Waterloo, where Jem managed to spill kebab sauce all down her white dress and Clare, chocolate sauce down her white top, but lucky Mrs Carrere was on hand! Frase would have liked to join us but wasn’t feeling well…soft! The next day we had a fathers day BBQ and met Jules family, and that night had the BEST movie marathon consisting of…Dazed and Confused, The Wedding Singer, Flashdance, Dirty Dancing, and Notting Hill, it was right up Frase’s alley. Had so much fun with them, drank and ate way too much but it was always good times!

Flew into London and found out that the guys we stayed with (Chuck and Aidan) are living with a guy that plays AFL with someone we went on tour with in South America! Small world! We surprised him and his wife by showing up at a footy party at the good old Walkabout on Sunday afternoon. It was so much fun seeing Donsy and Matt again! The team did a full monty, at which of course we were front and centre with camera ready! Funniest thing was one of the guys was doing the worm across the stage naked, he must have been off chops cause his little man was flying all over the place and smacking on the ground, surely it would have hurt! Anyways we've now done our obligatory visit to the Walky and felt like we were back home, don’t think we met a single pom. All aussies. The night before was also quite the bender: we went out to a place on Oxford St and were trying to catch the last tube home so we left and walked to the station to find we’d just missed it. We then (not half heartedly) returned to dance some more, figuring either way we had to get a cab. Clare had had one two many pints and walked up to someone she’d been speaking to earlier and said ‘oh you followed us here’! She didn’t even realize we were at the same club! She thought we’d left to go to a new one and didn’t recognize it when we got back. I must say Clare one of your best!

After this weekend, Jem flew to Ireland and spent a few days on her own in Galway, beautiful city. Its funny traveling on your own, she went into this heaps cute old pub and ordered some irish stew and a Guinness for dinner and all the locals straight away want to talk to you and know your story, the Irish are her favourite people so far.

Clare also went her separate way to stay with Cuz Jimmy and has now scored a job working with gorgeous little Welsh Mountain ponies in the country.

So his brings to an end the story of Clare and Jem's Excellent Adventures as they part ways on their own adventures. But stay tuned as we may both use this blog to update you on our continued journeys.

Over and out.

Creature Comforts

2008-05-17T11:54:00.000-07:00

So its been a while between blogs, I must admit we've been trekking all over the place and doing some pretty cool things. One of the coolest things would have to be San Diego Seaworld. It was pretty unreal! I got to touch a dolphin and talked to a seal and watched killer whales jumping into the air and all that. But what I realised most during this little excursion is that I REALLY miss animals! San Francisco has an abundance of people walking their dogs along the water and I always seem to have an overwhelming urge to go up and rough one up and play with it!!! I miss my doggy so much, I miss her wagging her tail erratically until it almost falls off, i miss that unconditional love that a dog provides. I haven't had any doggy lovin for almost 4 months and its killing me! I'm tempted to go up to the next person I see with a dog and ask if I can borrow it for a day! Although I did get in trouble for touching a horse in San Diego. I just wanted to say hi, it wasn't going anywhere, was just tied to a cart and was quite happy to see me, but his owner got all stroppy at me and told me to stay away from his horse!!! I mean seriously, I'm not gonna steal it, I just want to say hi!!

I can't wait until I get home and Lily (hopefully she remembers me!) will get all excited and jump around and go crazy and I'll feel satisfied!!! Funny what you miss when you're away from home!

Caribbean

2008-04-28T22:23:00.000-07:00

The Caribbean Cruise.

Warning: this blog may contain statements that may seem conceited and rich-bitch like, however, this must be included to ensure a correct portrayal of everything that is a ‘Caribbean Crui.

What an experience! Our ship, the Valor, is humungous! I mean, I’ve never been on a cruise before but I wasn’t expecting anything so huge! It’s basically a floating city, complete with cinema, theatre, gym, several pools and an abundance of restaurants and clubs!

We are welcomed on board to the main deck, complete with the ‘Entertainment Crew’ who give us a little demonstration of their dancing techniques, a performance remarkably similar to High School Musical! Americans (especially the type found on a ship such as this) are so overly happy, all of the time…and dance a lot…to any form of music.

We settled into our cabins, which are actually quite roomy, well roomy enough to spread our belongings throughout the room and completely unpack our bags, something we’ve not been able to do for about 10 weeks! It feels as though there is a poltegeist in here when drawers and doors open and close as the ship rocks from side to side!

Then lunch is served! We find a small self serve buffet with a selection of fried things and are slightly disappointed at the quality of the food. After finishing our meal, we then walk around the corner into a massive food hall type set up, where another, bigger, better buffet is held! Dammit! We filled up on the shite stuff! In this buffet you can get pretty much everything excluding lobster! At risk of sounding like a gourmet, I never expected such an amazing range of food! I had boullibase with fresh garlic bread, followed by almond cheesecake with a berry coulis, and Jem had ceviche and fish and chips. That night, we thought we’d be going back to the same buffet, however, we were directed to the Lincoln Room, where we were served with a silver service 3 course meal!!! Jem and I were flabbergasted at the service, food and general professinalism of the whole set up! That’s USA for you!! Plus we were seated next to a gorgeous gay couple from Miami who would ‘love to go to Australia, but its just so far you know?’

We then went to an on-board show, performed by terrible British jazz dancers. Jem and I practically wet our pants at the performance of numbers such as ‘Lets Cruise Tonight’ by CDB! We then retired to the cabin where, naturally, I dyed my hair black.

Next morning after a restful sleep, we went to breakfast, again, a delightful assortment of edibles, accompanied by coffee and juice. I’m sorry for the carrying on about the food, but as my good friend Emily will confirm, I live to eat, not eat to live. After this, we headed to the ‘Adults Only’ swimming pool area where I played on my laptop like the right yuppie I am while Jem got some UV absorbtion, all accompanied by a Bob Marley tribute band. Gotta love it!

I thought I’d experienced luxury before, but I’ve never had anything compared to this! (Except maybe staying at the Swisshotel with Mum in Sydney, thanks for that btw!) You can have anything you want, when you want it. Spa, gym, smoked salmon and cream cheese bagels! All you have to pay for is alcohol, internet (set at 75c per minute, meaning I’ve abstained from being connected for an entire week – go me!) and shopping, everything else is included in the price. Needless to say Jem and I have also abstained from drinking alcohol (yes, it is true!) until the prices lower considerably and the discos actually have people in them! The nightlife of the ship really needs to improve, however its costing us much less as a result! Off to Grand Cayman island to play with dolphins and lay on white sand tomorrow. It’s a hard life. I’m officially in tacky, tropical heaven and I’m going to find it very hard to get off this ship!

DAY 2 & 3

Right now I’m sitting looking out on a grey sky and black ocean. It appears the sun isn’t included in the price of the cruise!

Grand Cayman island was really nice, but it was so commercial its not funny. As we left the ship we were given a map of the main town, Georgetown. You’d think this map would include everything from tourist offices, to police stations to helpful information about where to find good snorkeling spots. Noooo. This map includes only shopping destinations, ones supported by Carnival Cruises. We were soon to find out that not only does Carnival control everything you do onboard, but everything you do off it too. Carnival pretty much owns the islands!!! (Needless to say we walked to a nice beach and got some UV instead of buying duty free diamonds or opening bank accounts!)

Onshore excursions can be organized for your pleasure, but when looked at closely, you can see that this service is purely a money making scheme. Attractions such as swim with the dolphins will set you back $120 for 20minutes, snorkeling adventures for close to $100, hell, just to get to the beach costs $40 through Carnival! However, being the savvy tight arse travelers that we are, we managed to get a taxi to the reef in Roatan and back on our own, for half the ship’s price!

After talking to a very nice taxi driver from Roatan island, we find out that ALL fares are through Carnival. They’re not allowed to take ANY fares without paying a commission (I’ll bet above 50%) to the cruise liner! The local tourist economy depends soley on Carnival. I felt a little sick after hearing this. I mean sure, its great that Carnival bring 3000 people a day to these islands, but instead of taking a cut of the local tourism, let them have it all, stay out of the operation of the island and let them run it themselves. These are poor islands (ok, maybe excluding Grand Cayman!) and I would much rather pay this stupidly expensive price for getting to a beach to go snorkeling knowing that the entire fare was going to the tour operators, strengthening the economy of the island, rather than going to a multi million dollar cruise liner!

It really is obscene the amount of money these cruising people have, and I hate that the locals look at me like they look at ‘them’, like I’m from another planet, one of milk and honey! I almost wish I could go back to South America where the rich don’t flaunt their wealth in front of the poor, and the bums and beggars contain more happiness and satisfaction in their lives than those with huge bank accounts. Where you know that when you buy a bracelet from a girl on the side of the road that that money is going towards her dinner for the night. That when you go on the Inca Trail, an honest amount of the price and tips is going to the porters who have been dreaming of this job all their lives.

Ok, so we did perhaps book an excursion, it’s a catamaran ride through the second largest barrier reef in the world in Belize (as usual, Australia wins!) and there’s complimentary drinks, so we’re just going to get tanked on punch and take Carnival down by drinking them dry! Watch out, here come Clare and Jem! Saving the Caribbean one drink at a time!

Miami

2008-04-28T21:49:00.000-07:00

Miami. It didn’t even feel like we’d left South America. Everyone still speaks Spanish. I ordered a Coke at the airport in English and received a blank look, then ordered in Spanish and got comprehension. Oh well, at least I can keep practicing!

I knew this would be the town of the rich and beautiful, but to this extreme! At first appearance, it seems like Surfers Paradise, only much much larger. Our first morning was spent at Southbeach, very similar to any Queensland beach, plus girls in gold larmae swim suits and an abundance of gym junkies. People in Miami don’t go to the beach to swim or surf. They go to show off their new leopard skin bikini or sip cocktails or flirt outrageously with the local solarium-tanned macho men. I have never felt self –conscious walking down a beach in my swimmers. Until yesterday! The amount of ridiculously good-looking women (and men for that matter) is amazing! But not the kind of natural beauty you find in a coastal town. You get the feeling that these girls don’t leave the house without a considerable amount of work, choice of completely over-dressed ensemble, careful make-up, previous sun tanning, manicures, peticures etc. I felt completely under dressed walking down the main road in my denim skirt and black singlet top and flip flops.

We spent the rest of this first day searching downtown Miami for an Apple store and a Verison (apparently Vodafone’s sister company) unsuccessfully and so went back to the hostel to some really annoying German girls that walk around topless and turn the air conditioning up to sweltering heat despite the fact that its boiling outside.

We went out that night with some people from the hostel. After pre drinks at the hotel, we headed out at midnight to explore the Miami club scene. We arrived at a club called Mansions, where we waited in front of the ‘red rope’ for a solid 20 minutes while the guy from our hostel worked his magic with the bouncers and managed to convince them that 2 guys with a 7 girl-strong harem was fit to enter the club without queuing. This is after being looked up and down by the door bitch, obviously checking to see if we were good looking enough to be worthy of her club. We were presented with a charge of $30 to enter the club, despite the fact that at midnight, it was close to empty. We decided (being the tight arse Aussie travelers that we are) that that was a bit to steep and made a 180 through the front door. Much to the door bitch’s dismay, the people in the queue saw us leaving and drew to the conclusion that it wasn’t worth lining up for, also leaving. Suck that stupid Miami biatch!!!

So we did what any Aussie in Miami would do…went to the nearest Irish pub! Although still overly expensive ($7 for a beer!!), the atmosphere was much more relaxed and the people here were much less stuck up!!

So yesterday I bought my whiz bang brand new Macbook Pro and its so shiny and new and pretty and metallic! We uploaded 5000 photos from our trip so far! I think we’ve been getting overly excited with our cameras for the past two months!

Jem came with me to buy my computer and ended up buying on herself (I mean, there’s impulse buying and then there’s insanity..) so we walked down a populated Miami beach road with brand new Macbooks in one hand, tickets to a cruise in the Caribbean in the other, 8 months of travel through 3 continents to come, looking like rich bitches and finally felt like we fit in! All we needed was a Chiaua under our arm and it would have been perfect! Little did everyone know that it was all going on credit..and not daddy’s credit card like the rest of the 23 year olds in Miami, but our own which we will have to pay back upon our return. Awesome.

But I’m happy now, I have my puter, I’m going on a cruise next week, and I’m feeling healthy. Apart from 20 sandfly bites on my legs, which have consequently become infected and itching like crazy! Might need something for that…

Dune Buggy! Yeaah!

2008-03-28T17:25:00.000-07:00

Us at the dunes

Photo of a photo

Our sand duning team!

Just a quicky today as I´m in a beautiful coastal town much like I imagine Byron Bay was like before it became so commercial, so I want to take as much time as possible exploring this place! The above photos are from a massive range of sand dunes we went riding over. It was one of the most fun things I´ve ever done in my life! It was like a roller coaster but cooler! We then went down a few hills on boards which was pretty cool also and Jem ended up with sasnd in every crevice!

2008-03-17T14:27:00.000-07:00

Our porters Hey llama... View from our tent second night Bloody steps... Maccu Picchu!!! Mountains surrounding Maccu Picchu

Inca Trail

2008-03-17T13:14:00.000-07:00

The girls of the group day before the trek

So, the infamous Inca Trail. Everyone knows about it, its probably one of the main reasons we decided to book this tour, but here's an account of the reality of the Inca Trail, well our side of the story anyway.

Looking fresh before the trek!

DAY 1: After being taxied to Ollyantaytambo where we spent the night and got stuffed on veggie lasagne and then banana pancakes the next morning, we headed to our starting station where 20 porters loaded 30kg onto their backs (tents, food, our duffkle bags etc). After a quick passport check we embark on our journey!

Day one isthe most deceiving as its literally a walk int he park! An occasional stop to carefully observe the native medicinal flora or for a story on the incas and how they lived. Our guide Ruben is passionate and infinately knowlegable, he's done the inca trail 300 times ad you can tell he lives and breathes everything inca! Lunch is served in mess tents surrounded by chickens and donkeys next to a gorgeous little stream - quinoa soup, rice, tuna lasagne and an avocado cocktail to die for! Nope -no slop, no eating out of acan, this 5 star service in incredible! The meals on the inca trail were better than some of the meals we've eaten in restaurants!

Our first Inca site! Yay!

Our first campsite is in a gorgeous clearing next to a stream, our tnets are ready when we arrive, along with roll matts and afternoon tea with hot chocolate!!! The dinners are just as awesome, although the toilets leave a lot to be desired, but at least we have them!

DAY 2: This makes day one seem like a lazy stroll! We're awoken at 6:15am, pack our shit, eat breaky (fruit salad, popcorn-like cereal, porridge and pancakes!) and head up the mountain. When I say up...I mean UP!!! 7hrs of steep, rocky incline in the form of hills or steps (I hate steps with a passion now!!!). The group becomes scattered, the competitors first, followed by the fit, the us!! Delayed by lack of oxygen, beautiful scenery or an obsession with photography (not naming any names Jemimah!!) we make it to the campsite between 12 AND 3.

Now, those not familiar with the effects of altitude, let me paint a nice little picture for you! You start off fighting fit, charging up the stairs. After 10 seconds, you start sucking air, you fill your entire lungs with air but find only a tiny shrivel of oxygen in each breath. You breathe harder and faster, your body realises its not getting any O2 and starts to slow down. Almost to ahalt. This is when your brain realises you still have 9km to go with f"%k all oxygen and steps the height of your thigh. Walking sticks provide some leverage, but all in all you're in struggle street! However, the stream trickling next to the path, the misty clouds covering the gigantic mountains, the view of the camp you're coming from looking like tiny ant villages in the distance and good company long the way makes you realise, this isn't difficult. Sure, its a challenge, but you're having the most amazing time and seeing the most increadible sights!!!

With this in mind, you manage to drag yourself to the summit (otherwise known as Dead Woman's Pass, how comforting!) at 4200m above sea level. At first your're relieved. Until it starts pissing down,drenching every item of clothing, despite the fact that its all waterproof! Your knees start creaking as you descend down an enormous amount of stairs, and a small waterfall follows you down due to the amount of rainfall. However, again, you don't mind. A curious llama greets you along the way with giant eyelashes, you pass a waterfall that relaxes you, and you realise the ones who should be struggling are the porters that pass you, running, looking like tortoises with their load. You realise that the two jolly Canadians behind you are struggling just as much as you are or in Jem's case, the journey is helped by a random guide who's lost his group and decides to be your personal buddy along the way.

By the time you reach camp, the best thing in the world is adry tent, a warm change ofclothes, a hot chocolate and a piece of bread with butter and jam!!! The porters applaud your arrival to the campsite every afternoon, weshould be applauding them!!!

DAY 3: This is the day known as unforgettable. The first inca ruin is awatch tower, circular and on the top of a hill looking at the trail, monitoring its pilgrams, reserved exclusively for the religious members of society. The incas had a very interesting social ladder, we learn fromRuben. As usual, there were royalty, followed by nobles of blood, nobles of privelege, the army, working population and then servants. However, unlike ancient Egyptian and African societies, the Incan government treated their servents very well. Once a servant had completed ajob, they were allowed to join the working population, or in rare cases, sometimes even nobility!

Aseries of short inclines and declines leads us to another site, this time a religious site where we learn that the icna religion originates from several pre-inca societies. This mono theistic society was based around the 'Spiritual'or 'Flying' god. This then developed into poytheism, where deities from the pre-incas were re-incorporated (puma, condor, snake, mountains etc) and promoted to gods in the process.

After lunch, we keep trekking for anotherfewhours through beautiful rainforest (at 3000m??) and massive100m drops off the side! This is 90% original inca stones and mortar which makes the walk all the more surreal!

The the motherf"%king steps! 3000m steep, mossy steps, some which, despite the general natureof a step, are round! Knees, calves and any other leg-part are dying, people are stacking it all over the place which provides a bit of a laugh!!!

We're told to look out for a tunnel, but once we get there, its dutch-ovened by one of the guys in front of us, meaning we have to stall our journey until the smell disperses and causes us to believe that Matt is in need of some immediate medical procedure to cure whatever the hell is wrong with him!!

The walk home is amazing and excrutating at the same time, until we FINALLY reach camp for acoke and snickers to undo all the good work we've just done!!

DAY 4: We're awoken abruptly at4am and due to the fact that our torch has run out of battery, are forced to pack in the dark! After a hot breakky we head out blindly to the Sungate, about 2hrs trek from camp. When we arrive, however, instead of being able to see Maccu Picchu, all we see is white!The mist is supposed to clear at 8am, 2hrs from now! So we wander around in the mist until we start our tour. Like clockwork, the mist clears at 8 to reveal the most amazing place I have ever been in my entire life!! There'sno way to describe this ancientcity so I will use photos instead (see above post)

Travelling Follies

2008-03-10T16:58:00.000-07:00

So whilst one is travelling, one learns many things along the way. I have made a short list of the things thus far NOT to do whilst venturing through South America on a tour:

DO NOT loose your exit card, for any country

DO NOT use indian ink fruit like its finger paint, on your cheeks, on your arms, anywhere really! IT DOESN'T COME OFF!!!

DO NOT eat curry from a Japanese restaurant in Brazil. Despite what you may think, they have NO IDEA HOW TO MAKE IT!

DO NOT loose in a game of arsehole. This will result in you having to wear a pair of pink antennae around the city you are in until someone else looses the infamous card game.

DO NOT fail to get everyone to get to play arsehole once you have lost, meaning you cannot pass your title onto the next unlucky victim

DO wear sunscreen on nose whilst horse riding. Otherwise you will be affectionately known as Rudolf until it fades.

DO NOT attempt to do the Brazilian version of the macarena in night clubs, despite what you may believe, you DO NOT look as good as the locals do!

DO dance on the bar at the local clubs, it will result in free drinks if your dancing impresses the bar staff...not sure if robot dancing really counts...

DO NOT attempt to do a jetstar jump on salt flats, it is not like snow and will not be merciful when you jump too high and stack it...

DO NOT attempt to play soccer at 4000m. It will result in your lungs feeling like they're on fire and despite the faith you may have in your playing abilities, ou WILL NOT beat the locals!

DO NOT forget that although the country you are in is close to the Equator, at 3000m plus, ITS STILL FRIGGIN FREEZING!!!

2008-03-03T13:53:00.000-08:00

Sorry guys, the internet is rubbish at the moment so here are a couple of photos to wet your appetite! Salt flats in Uyuni, playing silly buggers!

Train cemetery, pretty cool

Indian ink, comes from a fruit in the Pantanal, we accidentally used it as finger paint and it didn't come off for a week!

Can you pass the salt?

2008-03-01T17:19:00.000-08:00

Ok folks, so its quite apparent that there're a lot of blanks in this blog that will need to be filled in at a later date, probably not for another couple of months most likely! But I just had to get on today to tell you about what we've been doing for the last couple of days. We're in Uyuni at the moment, a small town about 3600m high, right next to a massive, and I mean massive (250km wide) salt flat! Now that in itself may not sound that spectacular to you, but I assure you, it is one of the most amazing things I have ever experienced!

First we take 3 jeeps out onto the flats. We have iPod connections in the car so we're listening to a combination of Chillies, U2, Britney and Madonna (thanks Jem....) whilst speeding on a vast expanse of white, flat salt, with nothing in sight but a few blue moutains in the distance. Within an hour, any part of our body exposed to the sun or the reflection of the sun on the salt is scorched (mainly my nose and Jem's legs!!!) but it doesn't stop the view from being breath taking!

Because there is so much white, and one flat horizon, you can take silly photos by playing with the perspective, i.e. have a group of us sitting on a jar of vegemite or other such props. Who knew this photo taking could amuse us for over 2hrs!

So that night, we stayed in a hotel made entirely of salt and went star gazing which was amazing due to the lack of light in the area (we were showing all the pommies the southern cross and irion, apparently the only constellations I know of!).

The next day, we get back into the 4WDs with our driver (Juan the man! Or Juan is number wuan!) and drive to fisherman's island, a huge rock formation bang smack in the middle of the flats covered in large, phallic looking cacti which provided us with a bit of amusement, followed by bbq llama meat and frizby on the flats. We then drove back to Uyuni and we're now waiting for an overnight train to Lapaz where we say goodbye to about half of our group and take on another 8 people to go to Quito.

I must admit, it feels like I've been away from home for about a week. I feel bad that I don't want to come home, but I do wish Mum and Adam could see all this stuff and wish Bec, Brad and Em could come 4WDing with me and play silly buggers! But my new foreign friends are so much fun and I'll be sorry to see them leave the group this weekend, its funny how you can be with someone for only a month and feel like you've known them your whole life! I've shared meals, excursions, rooms, cards and banter with these kids and I'm sure many of them will be my friends for a long time to come! (Plus its quite handy having friends from around the world!!!)

We're grabbing everyone's photos in Lapaz so hopefully I can chuck some up then, I must admit our photography skills are above and beyond...or maybe the subject matter is helping us a little...

This is the most amazing adventure I've been on! I'm so glad I'm doing this, I'll never forget the experiences and people on this trip! Yeeeeeoooooowww!!!

Until next time, stay excellent dudes...

Aren't borders a bitch?

2008-02-25T14:52:00.000-08:00

Ok kids, so its been a while since anything was posted on this fine cyber journal of ours and there are two reasons for this - a) the amount of incredible fun we are currently having and b) the amount of fuck ups there's been with border patrol! I don't even know where to start! So from Foz we travelled accross the border from Brasil to Paraguay, which turned out to be more trouble than it was worth. I decided to accidentally throw out my exit card as I thought it was a meaningless piece of paper, later finding out that it was very important in order to cross the border. I was told I had to pay a fine of US$80 at a Bank of Brasil, after collecting an immigration form from the border. However, it just so happens that all the banks are closed. So at the border I'm told I can pay once I get into Paraguay. However, turns out that for some unknown reason, the bank is closed at 2:30pm on a Friday...go figure! So I get to the border to go back into Brasil from Paraguay, without an exit stamp, hoping to bribe them with US dollars in order to let me back in (as advised by our tour leader!). To my surprise, the immigration officer goes through my passport without noticing that I am missing this stamp, and grants me re-entry into the country! By this stage I'm so excited as it means I don't have to stay back another night without the group to wait until the banks open! But THEN I find out that all the visas I went through friggin hell to obtain about 4 months ago, didn't need to be obtained. Apparently British citizens may pass through South American countries without any Visas, and just my luck - I have a friggin British passport! Thanks British consulate in Australia for advising me of this useful fact!

But anyway, made it to Paraguay - which is poor and beautiful and cultural and full of sangria and other wonderful things! Jem bought a state of the art camera for US$200 and we spent most of the time playing drinking games and peircing ears.

Then back into Brasil to Bonito, where we went to a great set of caves with stalegmite/tites and a bright blue pool at the bottom which was pretty amazing!

We then travelled to the Pantanal, the world's largest wetlands where we rode horses through the water, went hiking to see wild blue mackaws (amazing! pictures coming soon I promise!) monkeys, aligator type things they call camens, and all sorts of other wildlife! Our hotel was amazing, right next to a fast flowing river full of camens and pirhanas! We watched the eclipse from the hotel which was pretty cool, only visible in South America.

We then travelled to Corumba, I can't actually remember what we did there.....I'll get back to you on that! And then Santa Cruz where we stayed in a pretty fancy hotel with a queen bed each, pool, etc and lived the life of riley there. Had a great Bolivian dinner there, very meaty, but nice and pretended it was Jem's birthday and that her name was Shiela so she got a bunch of Bolivian guys with guitars singing feliz compleanos to her and bestowing her with copious amounts of flan! We have a rule on this tour, everyone's birth date applies to every month, so everywhere we go there's a birthday where we may utilise the compliments of the local staff! Great way to embarrass someone and get free stuff at the same time - we're just screwed if they ask for ID!

So now we're in Sucre, a charming town 2700m in Bolivia. I went horse riding today in the mountains to a set of cascades where we swam in fresh pools and Jem went on a city tour and bought large amounts of jewellery and other knick knacks! The altitude isn't too bad yet, I was very out of breath today walking up a small hill but not sure if that's just my fitness levels or not! We go to Patossi tomorrow, famous for its silver mines which we get to go into, its 4000m high so lets see how the body copes then!

Until then amigos!

Birds, falls and earpeircing

2008-02-15T08:35:00.000-08:00

Hola Amigos! I write to you from Acuncion, Paraguay, a quiet little town with street side pubs and very Mexican sounding music. A few days ago we went to Iguazu falls which can only be described with photos which I´ll upload when I get faster internet and even then, photos jsut don´t do it justice! One of the most amazing things I´ve ever seen! We went on a speed boat and the guy took us under some of the falls which was crazy, I thought I was going to die!!

We also went to a bird park that day and saw tucans, macaws and hummingbirds which were so cute and made cute little squeaking sounds!

We went to a ´traditional South American show´which was hardly traditional, unless glitter costumes and barely clad Carnival dancers are part of the national costume....

We then made our way accross the border where I had to pay a fine for losing my exit card, oh well, minor hickup!

Last night we went to a pub down the street and drank sangria and played drinking games and later on a peirced one of the pommy-guys ears, he´s walking around with his girlfriend´s pearl earring in because wecouldn´t find an alternative! I´m so proud of myself, hope it doesn´t get infected or it´ll put a scar on my peircing name!

Sorry guys, that´s all for now because there´s so much to do in so little time!

Stay tuned for photos!

Paraty

2008-02-11T07:46:00.001-08:00

So after Rio we moved to Paraty, a small coastal town rich in cobble stones and funny looking Carnival men things. With not much to do here, we headed to the port to board a boat for the day and sail around the beautiful mountains and beaches of Paraty. The boat was mad - complete with day beds, lunch and beer! We stopped at various beaches where we jumped off the boat, climbed rocks and lay on the beach! Most of us ended up burnt and drunk by the end of the day and headed home for a brief sleep then cards out the front of the hotel. (Playing cards in peoples rooms/foyers seems to be the social plan of choice because a) no one knows where the good bars are and b) its simply easier and more cost effective to stay within the hotels when outside is scary and for some reason they seem to plant us right in the middle of the gay quarters of each city!!)

So after Paraty we headed to Sao Paulo, one of the biggest or the biggest (please forgive my inability to absorb tour leader´s information) cities in Brazil. It was pretty scummy, and big and dirty and dangerous, but the view from the tallest building in rio was pretty amazing! Again, we walked the streets during the day and played cards at night, resulting in one of the young Pommy lads being dubbed the Ársehole´and having to walk around with pink atennae on his head until someone else looses the game! We had a few beers in a local cafe and made friends with a gay waiter who really struggled adding up our bill, but thought we were awesome because we kept bringing more friends into his cafe!

We had a great picnic in the park with an array of fruit and ham and ice cream and rode bikes around until it was time to come home.

Other than the aforely mentioned, we´ve come to understand the true value of cans of tuna and bread rolls stolen from breaky in order to keep us under budget, and we´re dying for a place that has laundromats, it seems every city we get to struggle on that side of things!

Unfortunately, I´ve managed to pick up a cold so not feeling very sociable at the moment and trying to get over it as quickly as possible, so I apologise if this blog is a little boring but I have a feeling the next ones will definately make up for it! Iguazu Falls here we come!

Her name was Lola..she was a showgirl...

2008-02-05T05:47:00.000-08:00

Ok, so I´m reading my ´journal´which I write in every night to remind me of what went down. However, due to my state of innebriation, it appears I am unable to read my own writing so I´m going to have to try and remember the night´s events (Sunday). We began at a pay-by-the-kilo restaurante, which was more hinder than help as we got a little too greedy and thought we could consume 750g worth of food...After about half a kilo we were strugging and so paid for more than we ate...damn! We then went home for a nap til about 9 (great thing about S.America - no one goes out until at least 11pm!), then headed into Lapa (the King´s Cross of Rio), where we hijacked a group of Swedes cos they looked like they spoke English and maybe knew where they were going...they did speak English, but didn´t so much know where they were going!! So we wandered the streets aimlessly drinking Skol (the resident Rio beer - bit cat-pee tasting but does the job!)

We agreed to meet up with the Swedes in July and left in search of food. After the best burger I´ve ever tasted, and a few chats and photos with the people who cooked them, we headed home just in time for breakfast it seems (that is, after a dance party for two in our hotel room!).

After sleeping until 3pm, we headed to Copacabana (yes, I had the song in my head the entire time!). Its a nice beach, but being Australian I think we´re a bit spoiled and it wasn´t quite as luxurious as we´d thought it would be. Some random guy comes up and asked Jem if she´d like some marajuana, to which she replies ´Very well thankyou!´and he walks off. Apparently we don´t even understand English over here!!!

There were random street parties everywhere and little kids dressed up as their favourite cartoon characters! We tried this pancake thingy called Tapioca (I´m sure everyone already knows what it is, but we had no idea!) and went home to have another nap before heading to the Sambadromo.

We didn´t need to buy tickets - there were people swarming all around the dome and we could sit on a bridge and watch the parade, plus mix with the locals which you couldn´t do inside. People who bought tickets to the grandstands (about US$40 upwards) said they got bored after a while cos they couldn´t walk around so we decided to mix with the plebs and watch the shiny people from the street. There were floats of penguins, books, feathers, glittery stuff, padding, so many shiny things you can´t even imagine!!! We also ate the most amazing hotdog - with peas and corn and mayo and sauce and salsa - the food here is so good!!!

The dancing paraders were using a combination of side step, bouncing and twirling, but they dance at any given opportunity! Everyone´s so happy and overtly sexual, there are lady boys everywhere and people dressed in nappies (?) don´t ask us...and so many high heels and shiny clothes!

Anyway, we must be off cos Jem´s being told off for banging her mouse cos it doesn´t work so until next time my fellow adventurers!

Never Listen To ´Them´

2008-02-03T04:00:00.000-08:00

Hola Amigos! We post this lil blog-a-roony from Flamengo, Rio De Janeiro. After sweet talking the nice Chilean guy at the help counter in San Tiago, Jem and I managed to advance to go and collect $200 (we got on a flight 10 hours earlier than the one we actually booked), meaning we only had to wait 20hrs at the airport as opposed to 30 (hey, we´ll take what we can get!). We are then told that for a small fee of US$30, we are welcome to use the LAN Airways business VIP lounge, complete with food, drinks (incl. alcohol - oh yeah!), comfy lounges and a shower! After a 25 hour flight we thought this was well worth it, so agreed! We ate copious amounts of ham, cheese and lil sweet muffin thingys, sank a few beers, slept a few hours on the comfy couches and used the free internet until the lounge closed at 10pm. How did they charge us for this? Oh that´s right, they forgot!!! All you can eat, drink, sleep for nunca!! So feeling pretty happy with ourselves, we wait the rest of the time in the pleb lounge before flying to Rio.

So at the boarding gate, Jem is served by a guy called Emilio and she was like EMILIOOO, and I was like EMILIOOO and we were all like EMILIOOO!!! (Night at the Roxbury? Anyone?) Except she got a bit confused due to the fact that he was speaking speedy Espanol to her, come on Baxter...you know I don´t speak Spanish! Ok, I´m gonna stop! Moving on!

RIO: This is where the party starts. Well, actually, it started after a 14 hour sleep...jet lag´s a bitch! So yesterday we felt refreshed enough to take a taxi tour (cheaper than doing it ourselves) of the Corcovado (awesome by the way!), then to Sugarloaf mountain, or Bread of Sugar as the Brasilians so affectionately call it. We like to affectionately call it Nipple Mountain as its shape has so determined! Photos to follow - some may include Jem and I squeezing Jesus´ nipples and kissing his face.

We then come home for a few hours and head to the soccer! (sorry, football!). Vasco vs Botafago 2 -3, we went for the underdogs and they came through for us! There were flags, there were flares, there were masses, there were Portuguese chants and the atmosphere was amazing! I love Sydney FC but its put to shame by these guys! Jem and I were on the big screen at one stage, probably because we stuck out like sore thumbs, well, Jem the swede stuck out anyway! Don´t worry, there are videos to come of us videoing us on the big screen, videoing us!

After this, we headed to a Carnival costume competition (I think this is really a name for a bunch of ´real Carnival´ rejects who didn´t quite make it into the actual parade! There was a guy dressed as a giant banana, lots of old ladies parading around in feather bowers and glitter, but it was fun nonetheless.

Now that we´ve finally gotten over our jet lag, we´re heading into Lapa tonight for some street parties complete with drums and fireworks so we´ll keep you posted on how that all goes down!

Its only been 3 days and already we´re loving it, the people are so friendly and everything anyone told us about Brasil being dangerous and scary has no idea what they´re talking about. Another case of ´Never Listen To Them´.

Over and out, until another of Clare and Jem´s Excellent Adventures.

How to pass 90 days...

2007-11-01T20:14:00.001-07:00

Ok, so according to our handy dandy and extremely highschool-looking countdown timer, it appears that there are less than 90 days until liftoff. When I say ‘only’, I am of course comparing today to the time when there were 273 days to go. So be it 12 weeks, 6 paydays, 3 months or 89 sleeps, its still a feck of a long time away!

The preparations have begun. Jem’s travel folder is tab-categorized, a ‘to do before we go’ and ‘things to take’ list has been written and regular ‘action’ meetings scheduled (well, action meetings really refer to pizza and beer nights, perhaps involving a brief conversation on what we’ll need to take on our trip, in between the 3 consecutive screenings of Elf). We’re so damn organised that there’s really not much else to do for the next 89 sleeps. I’ve been trying to learn Spanish to pass the time, but I fear everything I’ve learnt will seem insignificant once I’m in the realm of the speed-talking-South-American-crazy-people. My vocab so far includes the most important phrases I could find: how to order a draft beer (can also be substituted with sangria, tequila and caprioska), how to ask for a big tall horse, not a pony and how to tell a cab driver to slow down. That’s all I’ll need…surely!

So while I’m preoccupying myself with linguistic skills, Jem goes and falls head over heels for an Aussie bloke – probably not the best idea given the situation, but let’s face it, we’re not going to the moon! All she has to do is embrace the technology she likes to call ‘nerdy’, yet the rest of the world calls ‘effective communication’ (I’m of course referring to Skype – thanks mum, I’m glad you’re savvy) and she’ll be sweet. At least one of us knows how to use a computer! (Love you Jem!) She may even one day contribute to this blog?...........Na.

So now, we wait.

And wait.

Still waiting.

Anything?

I’m bored…

Wana go to South America?

2007-10-02T19:02:00.000-07:00

Reasons for Departure:

Jem calls Clare, sitting in her room twiddling her thumbs wondering which of the 3 Hills establishments to visit that night, and asks with a bold and direct tone: “Wana go to South America with me?” to which Clare replies “Ok”.

The break up. GymJunkie dumps Clare unceremoniously for the blond receptionist on the day of her final uni presentation. MetroMan leaves Jem unceremoniously for a blond pommy (trend perhaps?). Quite obviously, the best thing to do in this situation is leave the country. It seems to be a great way to avoid all life's problems, never too late to run away right? Even though 9 months down the track we’ve both forgotten who GymJunkie and MetroMan are…

When living your whole life in the mother’s-group-esque community of the Hills District, NSW, Australia, one finds themselves needing to escape after 22/23 years. ‘The Fishbowl’ is full of people who know people who know who your ex hooked up with last weekend, who knows your brother, who has a friend you have a crush on who knows the person at the gym, who also knows your ex. And when your days suddenly become filled with emails resembling tabloid hollywood magazines revealing rumours and gossip about the past week's events, without sounding too cliché (be warned, this blog will be filled with them), you just feel like there’s something more to life…in Rio apparently!

So here you are, the first blog, 119 days before we leave. It’s the the first of many expected amazing stories of our travels, so join us through our experiences, two girls initiating themselves into womanhood – yeah right! (Look out world!) Welcome to Clare & Jem's Excellent Adventures. Remember, be excellent to each other. Party on dudes!

Broggaricious

2007-08-29T21:59:00.001-07:00

Testing 1, 2, 3 and a crazy pony.